Bad Things

So, I did a bad thing.  No I didn't litter or hurt anyone or any animal, but I did permanently borrow something.  Without asking.  Yes, it has taken me a while to work up to the deed.  I pass by the tempting place frequently enough and just keep on walking.  Sometimes I pause, but nothing more.  But something happened this evening when I was driving home from Lowe's after purchasing ANOTHER set of hand pruners, having, I assume, thrown yet another pair out with the yard waste.  I keep doing this.  Trim trim trim, bag up for city compost, can't find pruners two days later.  But as I was saying...

You see, I couldn't stop thinking about them, having seen them resplendent a few days ago on one of my walks.  Outside a church that will remain nameless.  Two of them, encroaching on the sidewalk, as they were.  Taunting me.

And there I was driving home, in the dark, with sharp new pruners in the passenger seat, and a half filled bottle of water I stopped drinking abruptly when the bad deed crossed my mind.  And just like that, I decided: I was going to do it.  I was going to steal two cuttings off of the most magnificent rose bushes in all of downtown Charleston, under cover of darkness.  Super double sneaky style.

And there's were things started to go not as planned...

It all started with this whole cover of darkness premise.  Because the time had changed just 2 days previous I had this false sense of lateness.  Also I hadn't slept well that night because there's a mad arsonist in town burning houses down in the middle of the night for kicks and having so far burnt 82 houses in the past 8 years without our top notch PD even having a clue, Monday at 4am another house was alight not two blocks from me.  But lets not get me started on the arsonist here.  Talk about bad things grrrr.   So anyhow,  I was driving the extra few blocks to the target flora, and as I approached the street (urban, buildings on both sides), I realized there were people all over the (badword) place.  I checked the clock.  It was precisely 6:22.  (badword)! Now fortunately there was still a lot of darkness, because Charleston is just one of those places that tries to keep every block just light enough to film a Vampire movie.  So my nerve held.

And then problem #2 became apparent.  The Church WAS FULL of people too!  On a Tuesday. Argh.

And then I realized the most troublesome fact thus far... because it was after 6, but not very far after 6, the evening parking restrictions were lifted and there wasn't a spot to be seen.  I mentally backtracked.  (another badword)!  I hadn't seen any parking spots for many many blocks. Argh.  Plus there were  4 unsuspecting cars stacked patiently up behind me, as Southerners inexplicably have the power to do,  as I crawled past the church bushes casing them.  I turned around looking at my options.   My mental picture of rolling up to the church pruners reaching out of the car and lop lop was withering.  But I also knew my puritanical other identity which usually rules when not exhausted and carrying pruners would never let this opportunity happen again.  I knew it was now or never.  My heart rate ratcheted up as I saw someplace to park... right between the two church buildings in one of the 5 spots labeled "xxx Church Staff Only.  Violators will be Towed.

{to be continued}