How To Age A Brand New Cement Statue

My favorite statues are those that look like they've been there forever. They sport mossy nooks and stains from rainwater, and they are worn around the edges.  Any statue left in a shady moist environment long enough will take on this look with time.  But the time component is the kicker.  We aren't talking one year, or even two, but many many many years, and I just don't have that sort of patience.  And, apparently, I don't have the patience to wait around and find the perfectly seasoned statue at an estate sale.

Now some people like bright white statues, so this 'how to' is definitely not for you, as I'm sure you'll be of the opinion that it looked better before.  However for those of you who like the look of aged, and have an urn, fountain or statue which is still looking like it stepped off the showroom floor, I have a cheat for you.

Here's what you'll need:
-Little tubes of acrylic paint.  Black, a mossy (not bluish) green, and potentially a brown.
-A kitchen sponge
-Water
-a 3-4 cup container (nonstaining)

Mix a few cups of water with just a dollop (like half a teaspoon) of the green paint.  Mix well.  If you are a nervous nelly feel free to make the mixture even more watered down, because this is permanent so you can always add, but you cannot take away.

Take the sponge and totally soak it into the stain and then start squeezing it above the statue letting gravity and the natural shape of the figure dictate where the water will run.  This is what is going to give you the most natural effect, just as it would had the drippings from a tree been the agent.  I did this 3-4 times over with the light green concoction.

Repeat this process with a dollop of 1/3 green and 2/3s black.  I did these a little more sparsely, but with the same method, over the top of the statues head in order to simulate how this really happens.   Do not be alarmed if the initial effect while wet seems sort of dark and streaky.  It dries much lighter.

Finally, if you like the slightly rust colors that occasionally show up in nooks and crannies repeat the process with a medium brown/burnt sienna mixed tone.   I did this very sparsely, literally one spongeful.

And voila: brand spanking new off the show room floor statue looking quite a few years older than she did 30 minutes ago, without that fake "applied by the manufacturer" look.   I am going to leave her at this point and let nature take over from here.

Before

After

ps. if you hadn't noticed by now: I did it! Finally, I got a statue!  It wasn't exactly what I was looking for, but it was very cheap and I just had to go ahead and bite the bullet.  Mission accomplished, as I like her and to me she doesn't look out of place or gaudy, and will only look better when the clematis and jasmine vines behind her fill in.  Phew. Good thing because she weighs 200 pounds easy.

Garden Statuary Redux: Naked Women?

So its been a year since I decided that I wanted a statue for my garden, and even left a place for it to stand, unplanted.   I have hemmed and hawed, and looked at lots of cement but for some reason I have not been able to just bite the bullet and get one!  There is something about 'stuff' in the garden, to me it either seems to work or REALLY not work, and the exact formula for why this is isn't apparent.  Haven't you seen those yards that look like Zeus came and threw up on them?  I can't help but think 'wannabe NJ mafia' every time I see them! (and if you are in the NJ mafia please I mean no offense, its just our styles are different you see).  I've also seen garden gnomes gone awry, and country kitschy which veered into "I've also got my VEE-HICKLE up on blocks on around the side o the shed."  But I have seen all of this done well too, and while I jest, it isn't just an overabundance that makes or breaks it.  Its something else, or lots of something else's.

Anyhow, so here I still am with no statue.  I have narrowed the choices down, and I vacillate between non-naked ancient females, and more modern female forms more in the art deco vein.   Cutesy is out, as are Buddhas, St. Francis's and Mary's on the half shell.  Animals are out, and while I like really like the ideas of gargoyles and fairies I don't think either really fit my personality, and frankly, gargoyles just don't hang out near white picket fences.  Its against their very nature.  There is nothing gothic about my home, unfortunately.

Now on the naked, how do you feel about that?  I consider myself the opposite of prudish, and believe many of the 'naked' works of art in this world are just wonderful, however I wonder if I got one of these goddesses with boobs showing if I would ever stop saying to myself, "hmmm, that boob is out."  Something about having a life sized boob hanging out in the garden day in and day out just doesn't say "restful" to me.  And heaven forbid there was ever a sub 35 year old male that had to be back there for any length of time while keeping up a normal conversation that didn't mention the fact that there were boobs loose in the garden.

I have also thought briefly about some other ornamental item, i.e. a fountain, or a large urn or a combination fountain/large urn, but these just don't seem to be doing it for me either.  What I want is a statue.

Here's the latest in the slew of considerations. Any of these strike you as tasteful and workable?  I am scared to death I am going to bring home some totally gaudy 100 pound albatross.  Because once the deed is done I don't think you can take it back! And it won't be easy to hide either....

Assume my version would be fully covered!

Here a Statue, There a Statue

I have been thinking of getting a statue for my garden.  One made of concrete or cast stone that will year after year weather, streak and become less defined: it will become perfect.  Granted, I had my coffee this morning perched on top of a couple of bags of mulch, so I could be thinking of more useful garden accessories, but eh.   Garden chairs are boring.

I love statues in gardens.   No not the kind commemorating some big battle victory with a general on a horse, on a plinth 20 feet high, but the kind with soft worn mossy faces halfway hiding behind a fern.  Somehow they add peace to a garden in my eyes, the same way running water might.    There is no doubt they can add a major focal point, which, unless I want my focal point to be the palm tree, is something I desperately need.

The Savannah Bird Girl Statue, probably the most famous statue ever to come from this area, thanks to Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil (which, if you have any interest at all in the south, or plan to visit, is a must read) is the right style for me and my spot, I think.  It stood virtually unnoticed from 1936 until the book was publish in 1994 before it had to be moved from its cemetery plot for safekeeping.     I love this statue, but given its fame and proximity and number of replicas in this area alone, it is probably not the one for me.

Charleston itself is replete with statues of course.  Its just that kind of place.   You see them peeking out of driveways, tucked under camellias and many a Charlestonian has their entire teensy garden planned out around a favorite piece of cement.   Many are cherubs, Greek gods, angels, various Madonnas and fair maidens.   Some are part of fountains.  I saw a gargoyle guarding someone's trashbin area the other day too.  Its an interesting concept on how to keep the evil (i.e. raccoons) at bay, I'll give them that.

Surfing around as it pours outside, resigning myself that I am not going to get anything done today - at all - I revisited the offerings available on the internet.   To be honest, I am in love with a collection in my local nursery of marble "4 Seasons" maidens, but seeing as I only have room for one season, and I cannot afford any seasons, I have to expand my level of acceptable stone countenances.

Here are some of the ones I like, and I'm leaning towards choice #1.  If only she were a little taller on a shorter pedestal.   The combined height is near perfect (56").  So maybe the search goes on.   Well, like I said, I could invest in something to sit on out there instead...

Oh, and one final picture and note: if I could find this, this is what I'd get in a heartbeat.  I took this from someones blog a while back and I have no idea whence it came, so I apologize for not putting a credit.  But I love your statue/planter.